The Power of Patience

American literary critic and scholar, Barbara Johnson once said, “Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

When we think of success characteristics and success in communication, we seldom think of patience or what patience is. There is power in patience. To be patient is to be poised; to delay without becoming angry or upset; to be calm, to be composed and to demonstrate self-control. That is the power of patience.

How do you act and react at different times during the day to people and situations that cross your path? How many times in that day do you tap into the power of patience? For most of us, we are quite accustomed to giving in to our immediate desires. We let our emotional impulses take over the moment.

A driver honks their horn at us, and as if on auto-pilot, we immediately give the finger or shout out obscenities. A conversation with a loved one, finds us on the frayed edges of a disagreement, and ‘to show them’ we withdraw into silence or stomp off in anger. Experiencing difficulties at work with a challenging account, or a demanding co-worker, we take the path of least resistance. To save face we either we ‘delegate the difficulties’ to an unsuspecting soul, or jump into the blame game and point the finger … at someone else.

In our high-tech world of gadgets, instant access and immediate gratification, it seems as if patience is a scarce commodity. When we think of success, and the characteristics of those who have achieved success, the power of patience is seldom mentioned and seldom highlighted.

How many of us have attended work related seminars on motivation, team building, organizational culture, conflict resolution, communicating more effectively and harmony in the workplace? Discussing the characteristics of the valued employee, words such as dependable, responsible, listens, takes initiative and has a positive attitude, are mentioned. Speaking of characteristics of good leadership, we employ words such as visionary, charismatic, ability to motivate, great communicator, and intelligence. As for describing entrepreneurs, passion, discipline, innovative, flexible, and risk taker come to mind. Patience does not seem to be high on the radar screen of communication.

And yet, for most of us, our ability to listen, to learn and to take in new information, understand and apply that information requires patience. If we want our relationships to thrive, it’s important that we demonstrate patience. To experience success at any level, in any area, the power of patience has to be put into practice.

How do we cultivate the power of patience, instead of jumping in like a dirty shirt heading down a laundry shoot at full speed with arms flapping? For me, three words come to mind:  Stop. Look. Listen.

STOP.   Stop being on emotional auto-pilot. And yes, this takes effort. If mouth is in gear before brain begins to operate, consider saying, something along the line of…”My apologies. I spoke too soon. It’s been one of those days…” Then STOP. Let the other person respond.

LOOK.  Look at the situation and adjust your behaviour. Look at the overall picture and view the situation as a learning, instead of a ‘kick-at-the-cat’ moment.

LISTEN.  Listen for ideas and concepts; go beyond just listening to the words. Listen to understand. Listen without judgment.

Without patience there can be no success in communication: relationships won’t grow, learning can’t happen, invention and innovation won’t take place. Such is the amazing power of patience.

You can be a great conversationalist.  With just a little bit of practice people will hang on to your every word, think of you as brilliant and charming and you’ll soon find the invitations start to flow.  Now some may be born with a silver tongue, but more are likely to have developed the art of speaking over time.

Here are my seven basic conversation tips to get you started. They’ve really worked for me, and with a little practice, they will work for you, too.

1.       Think about setting a personal goal of having a conversation with two or three people whom you’ve never met. For example, most of us when we go shopping are on a mission. Spend money. Get something in return. This is not unlike attending an event; however, instead of spending money, we spend time; instead of getting a service or product, we meet new people, make new friends and build new relationships.

2.       Keep in mind the type of event; plan some general conversation topics ahead and keep them tucked in your back pocket (so to speak). Should the conversation lag, you have a ready-made topic to re-engage and re-energize.

3.       When introducing yourself to someone new, consider having a briefly prepared introduction about yourself, ready to roll off the tip of your tongue. Or you can just begin with, “Hello/ Hi. I’d like to introduce myself; I’m ________.” or “Hi, I’m ___________.” And, smile.

4.       Think about using open-ended questions to encourage dialogue. Words such as ‘How’ (How did that happen?), or ‘What’ (In what way? What did you find?) help encourage and stimulate conversation. Your goal here is to solicit more than one word answers. Keep in mind that you want to keep the conversation moving, and not have it stop dead in its tracks before it gets going.

5.       Let people know that you are happy to meet them. Smile, and look at them. After all, it is very difficult to carry on a conversation with someone if you are not looking them in the eye.

6.       While it may be a challenge, work at becoming aware of your body language such as how you stand or sit, your facial expressions and hand movements, your tone of voice and rate of speaking. Your verbal and non verbal cues will indicate to your conversation partner your interest and willingness to stay, or your lack of interest and desire to get out and away.

7.       Start small, with short conversations about four to five minutes in length. Ask questions. Give responses. Avoid interrupting, and avoid attaching yourself to one person or one group. Remember your personal goal: meet new people, make new friends and build new relationships.

You’ll be amazed at how quickly your Rolodex grows!

While I still don’t say “Yes” to every invite that lands in my mail box, I’ve been known to say “Yes” to quite a few and always put into practice my seven tips. There are times when I feel like a shirt heading down the laundry chute, arms flapping at full speed when I’m at an event. There is always a little adrenaline that precedes me before I start up the next conversation. So, am I witty, delightful, and charming? Not yet, but I’m getting mighty darn close.

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